Thursday, March 26, 2009

More evidence of running idiots in Austin. Again, they have a good point

I work for a company that shoots professional fireworks and we have had the
same thing happen.

We go as far as to put up chain link fencing around the site and across the
trail and people still go around them. They either open the gates or crawl
over/around them because they don't think the fence is for them. We even put
up POLICE LINE tape (crime scene tape) and they go around or break it.

It has gotten to the point that we have police on site when we are setting
up and they STILL go around.

So I second the comments about the trail runners.


runners on the hike and bike in Austin are morons

This guy has a good point. Here's an email we got yesterday:

I pride myself at being raised here in Austin for the past 45 yrs. but when it come to the Town Lake runners and bike riders. I will say they as a group are the most dumbest people I have ever seen. Today while doing a construction project on the running track that goes under the S. 1st bridge on the north side. We had a portion of the track closed (300 ft). We had road cones, caution tape, warning signs and vehicles blocking the area off completely. The runners would just go around everything not even knowing why it was blocked off. We had heavy equipment, chain saws and a crane truck on the track and the runners and bike riders could care less. It really amazed me how stupid these people really are. You would have to see it for yourself.

You think this guy is lip syncing?

Here's a map that shows you where a lot of popular t.v. shows were set

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Saturday, March 21, 2009

In case you missed my spring column in Austin Monthly Home, on shelves now!!!

I was once on over the top, organized, anal-retentive freak. You know, to the point where it was quite annoying. I was pressed, waxed and sporting a handheld label maker with pride. My apartment was always ready for guests on a moments notice. I could have it visitor ready during their elevator ride up to my place. I recall a time when April 15th would roll around and I could pull my files out of my desk, run a report on quicken and my taxes where done. If I needed a receipt for the purchase of a battery from three years ago, I could find it in a heartbeat. My wife remembers that guy and wonders where he went. I don’t know where the old JB is, but I can tell you when he left. He departed on November 26th, 2001. This was the day that I became a father and my mind warped and my priorities changed. Parents, you know what I’m talking about. Those of you who have not yet had children or are expecting, I am about to give you a glimpse into your future.

Let me take you on a little visual tour of my house. Just to be clear and avoid us coming across as slobs, my house is always clean. You could eat off the floor. It just has the distinct markings that a child lives there. Next to our front door you’ll always find my daughters backpack, jacket and shoes. Our daughter can slip them off in one fluid motion when she walks in the door. Our living room is filled with extreme toys. Next to our lounge chair is an electric scooter that is charging. Next to the sofa is an electric car that is also charging. On the kitchen table is an remote control helicopter this is, you guessed it, charging. It seems every outlet is filled with a charger of some sort for portable dvd, ipods, DS Nitinendo or something. Whenever we sit on the sofa something needs to be moved, a pogo stick, hulk gloves or possibly and critter from outdoors, being held against it’s will.

I always envisioned a quite office where I could find solitude. It’s become the most chaotic room in the house. My office has become the office/playroom/family room/exercise room. The shelves meant to organize my work, taxes, books are filled with dinosaurs, board games, and puzzles. It’s not uncommon to be working in the wee hours of the morning, the only time I am alone, only to have Squeeky the hamster cruise across my keyboard. The exercise equipment that “folds for easy storage” has lost its motivation to fold and store. At least it’s being used. On our tour, I can take you quickly from the family room to the bathroom because we have our choice of transportation available anywhere you look; skateboards, bikes, stilts. The bathroom is filled with gimmicks to entertain. When you pull back the shower curtain you literally can’t see the bottom of the tub. It’s a porcelain toy box of squirt guns, dolphins, mermaids and animal shaped bath gels. When I was growing up I don’t recall needing scuba gear.

Outside our home isn’t much different. We have a small yard filled with nerfs, balls, bats, kites and inflatable’s. Not being much of a judge of size while ordering online, I apparently purchased the largest trampoline known to mankind. You open the door, walk to the end of the deck and all you see is my Ringling Brothers approved larger than life trampoline, leaving no yard whatsoever. Oh well, less mowing. I’m not sure if our garage is organized or not. It’s more of a magical David Copperfield sort of trick. It’s really a mess but it’s all on the ceiling. Using every imaginable hook, shelf and pulley known available at Home Depot, I’ve managed to hang upside down every outdoor sports mechanism you can imagine; a Canoe, tent, surfboard, or fishing gear. What I basically have is an upside down REI. If you can find the right rope you are welcome to borrow anything you like. If you grab the wrong rope, they all come tumbling down.

As crazy and chaotic as this all sounds, it’s also comforting. To walk into our home and find everything perfectly stowed away wouldn’t feel right. I fully expect to walk up to the front door with the dog scratching at the glass, as if I hadn’t been home in years, even though I just went to the mailbox. I expect the place to look as if a seven year old is loving every minute of being seven in this home, just as they did at six, five, and so on. Dinner wouldn’t be the same if there weren’t rubber frogs in the chair and fake poo on the table. I wouldn’t know what to think if a dvd was actually in the correct case, or in a case at all.

Priorities change when kids start taking those first steps. It’s almost sad when we box up a years worth of her favorite toys and take it to our storage building, something I said I would NEVER have. We pull out a jumbo marker and write “Raleigh age one” and so on accordingly each year. She only gets to be a kid once and I hope she remembers how fun this house was. We always wanted it to be a creative, inspiring place to learn even if it meant mommy and daddy would have army men and jacks permanently embedded in their feet. There will always be plenty of time later in life to return to the old JB, but I don’t miss him for now.

I would like to make one last stop on our tour. I would like to show you my car but unfortunately melted crayons have jammed the doorlocks. But if you look inside and to the left you’ll see a lovely design made of crushed goldfish…

Friday, March 20, 2009

Shopping for a new car?


Yesterday, J.D. Power and Associates released its annual Vehicle Dependability Study . . . which ranks every car on the market in terms of reliability . . . and you might be surprised by the results.

--According to the study, the ten MOST DEPENDABLE cars are:

#10.) Cadillac and Honda (TIE)

#8.) Lincoln

#7.) Acura

#6.) Infiniti

#5.) Mercury

#4.) Toyota

#3.) Lexus

#1.) Jaguar and Buick (TIE)

(--Now, before you starting talking smack about Buicks, you should know that I drive a 1995 Park Avenue, and I've NEVER had a single major mechanical problem . . . even though it's now pushing 200,000 miles. No lie. They're good cars.)

--And the ten LEAST DEPENDABLE cars are:

#10.) Pontiac and Jeep (TIE)

#8.) Hummer

#7.) Scion

#6.) Saab

#5.) Mazda

#4.) Isuzu

#3.) Land Rover

#2.) Volkswagen

#1.) Suzuki (PR Newswire)

(--Check out the press release from J.D. Power and Associates, which includes the full rankings, here . . .)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

check this out, very cool

Unbelievable!! Check This out Man - The most popular videos are a click away

More Squeeky cam

More vintage J&S.

Hey, guys.

I’m going through a ton of historical pics of Food Bank stuff and came across this.

Not sure when or where it was taken, but thought you’d enjoy seeing it.

Take care,



woman freaks out because they were out of the Shark Soup

Chick Throws Embarrassing Tantrum Over Soup - Watch more Funny Videos

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Raleigh wants to show you squeeky


Check this out

This is pretty wild. This is just an example of where things are heading. You think Twitter is cool and interesting. It won't be long that we all pretty much have our own tv station, uploading from mobile. This is an example.

I am so embarrassed that this photo made me laugh out loud. So embarrassed.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Stumbled across this. You might recognize from Tears for Fears. Tell me this doesn't put you in a good place

Probably not a good time to watch this since we start racing crits this week starts this week. check out this vid. Beginners welcome!!!

Something wrong in your love life? This is an interesting list


We all want great sex . . . and we deserve it too. Fortunately, the people over at "Marie Claire" took it upon themselves to come up with the "11 ingredients" every couple needs . . . in order to have an amazing sex life. Check it out . . .

#1.) The ability to make your partner feel "comfortably threatened"

#2.) Spontaneity

#3.) Mutual attraction

#4.) An intangible spark

#5.) An emotional connection

#6.) The right state of mind, or mood

#7.) Mutual selflessness

#8.) Confidence

#9.) An open mind . . . and a mutual willingness to try new things

#10.) A sense of humor

#11.) Love (Marie Claire)

Having trouble sleeping? Here are some helpful tips.


A good night's sleep makes you smarter, happier, healthier, and slows down the aging process. But when you're stressed out because of work or problems at home, it's common to have problems falling asleep. So here are six tips to help you get to sleep faster . . .

#1.) GET SOME EXERCISE. Exercise reduces stress and increases the amount of deep sleep you get. If you're tired all day, but you STILL can't fall asleep at night, the first thing you should try is some exercise, about 4 hours before bedtime.

#2.) DON'T DRINK BEFORE BED. A nightcap might help you FALL asleep, but sleeping under the influence affects the QUALITY of your sleep in major ways. In fact, even SMALL amounts of alcohol can interfere with sleep cycles and prevent dreaming.

#3.) CUT BACK ON CAFFEINE. It makes you more alert and increases your heart rate . . . the opposite of what should happen at bedtime. And caffeine can stay in your system for up to 14 hours. Which means a coffee at noon can keep you up at midnight.

#4.) OPEN A WINDOW. You should keep your bedroom COOL, but not COLD. Somewhere between 55 and 75 degrees is best. A cool room makes it easier for your body temperature to drop, which has to happen before you can enter a deep sleep.

#5.) DON'T HAVE A MIDNIGHT SNACK. The calories increase your body temperature and make it harder to fall asleep. Plus, if you have any digestive problems like heartburn, eating a meal before bedtime is asking for trouble.

#6.) USE YOUR ALARM . . . EVEN ON SUNDAY. If you see a sleep specialist, he'll probably insist on it. The reason is, it helps keep you on a schedule. And the more predictable your sleep is, the better your body works.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Thank God for The Clash and The Fixx, otherwise this is all laughable, but enteraining

This is pretty darn cute. Sleepwalking dog

Sleeping Dog Runs Into Wall - Watch more Funny Videos


Remember that "Vanity Fair" cover photo from 2006, featuring SCARLETT JOHANSSON and KEIRA KNIGHTLEY naked, along with fully-clothed designer Tom Ford???

--Well, the April issue of "Vanity Fair" has a feature on "Comedy's New Legends".

--And the cover recreates that earlier classic . . . only with Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Jason Segel. (!!!)

Monday, March 2, 2009

My daughter and I acted like tourists yesterday. We did a spontaneous tour of the Capitol

February Article for Rare Magazine

In case you missed my "Today I Marry My Best Friend" article for Rare Magazine. Here it is:

Whenever I leave my mailbox with a calligraphy-ridden envelope, I wonder who else is about to tie the knot. I wager in my head whether they will be marrying their best friend or not. I sift through the first layer of tissue, then the second, then the third layer, then flick off the rose pedals or whatever accent they’ve thrown in. Ahhh, there it is “Today I Marry my Best friend…” Isn’t that sweet? Gag, cough, cough, gag. Really? You’re “best friend”. Really? Even if you truly believe it that you are marrying your best friend, I want you to REALLY think about just how much the sound of it causes a perfectly healthy human being to double over and revert to high school peppermint schnapps style yakking.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a romantic to a fault. I love the concept of marriage and believe in it wholeheartedly. However, to me there are such distinct differences between a friend and a lover, that I can’t possibly see the two overlapping.

You’re wife is someone you bond with because of the good times, the special pleasure you bring to each other, the release of endorphins through love, affection and hiding egg shaped objects in each other. That… is not your best friend. When I reflect on my best friends through the years, it always comes back to the same thing, overcoming adversity and killing time by being destructive. This is where young men bond. I ask you, “Are these things you would do with your spouse?”

At about age 7, my best friend was Brian. Our time together involved a lot of fort building. We were fearless little criminals taking lots of risks stealing lumber and heading off into the woods with our dads tools. I’m not sure what our obsession was with having a fort. I think our moms forced us outside all day and many of those days called for shelter. Although dangerous to imagine the engineering of 7 year olds, the productivity and focus of it kept us from burning bugs with magnifying glasses all day.

At age 9 my best friend, another Brian, and I started getting into real trouble. A single mom was raising him so we had all kinds of freedom from the time school ended til his mom came home from work. We spent a lot of winter afternoons using water hoses to turn the snow to ice and build our own luge track. The Olympics were much more popular then and I recall the Germans dominating in ’76. So, we would give each other names like Helmut and Gunther then wish Godspeed on each other as we rocketed down the hill. We weren’t steering at all, we were merely passengers of death. It’s amazing we’re still alive. Our fun usually ended with afternoons by say “Hey Karl-Hans, your leg bone is sticking out!”

By age 11 my best friend was Jack. I introduced Jack to skateboarding. He introduced me to smoking and porn. I was at least able to quit smoking after Jack moved away.

At 13 I had moved to Texas and my first friend was Robbie. He stood next to me in choir as we pretended we were altos, our voices were changing daily. Robbie taught me two of the dirtiest jokes I have ever heard and I will never forget. My favorite being “how can you tell if your girlfriends horny?” Unfortunately, I can’t tell you the punch line.

Finally 16. When my friend Larry and I weren’t discussing girls or music, we worked on cars. Larry and I spent many grueling hours lying on hot pavement working on Mustangs and Camaros. We did it out of pure necessity. We had to get from point A to point B. Our cars weren’t very good at going or stopping and every dime we made in our restaurant job went into making our cars go faster. The stopping we weren’t so worried about. I am again amazed that I’m still alive. You wouldn’t believe some of the contraptions I rode around in during high school. It wasn’t uncommon to see Larry and I walking through town with car parts slung over our shoulder.

My wife and I have been together for 13 years, married the last 10. I can’t imagine her building a fort, burning bugs, doing homemade luge, smoking, she’s never told me a dirty joke or a joke for that matter and she sure as hell has never worked on my car. I love her dearly but she’s not my “best friend”. Address your invitations accordingly, just as we did.

Don't forget to do your "Face Yoga"

Ugly Bat boy... the name of the ugliest cat ever

What to do if you are in trouble for abuse and domestic violence?

Why take in a little jet skiing of course! That's what Chris Brown did.