Sunday, October 5, 2008

Youtubed to Death!!!

The following is an article I wrote for Rare Magazine for the Sept. Film issue. On stands at your favorite local boutiques and restaurants is the new "Food Issue".  Check out for information on Restaurant week. 


Mike Judge was dead on when he predicted the dumbing down of America in his film “Idiocracy.” He predicted that eventually the number one show will be “Awww, my Balls” and the Oscar winning film will be called “Ass”. The single reason we are bottom feeders for entertainment is the one and only YOUTUBE.

Youtube is single handedly destroying films and civilization. I can prove it. I am going to start out on an indisputably pure subject and show you how quickly things fall apart. I log onto Youtube and search Mother Teresa, great philanthropist and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979.

(Search) Mother Teresa
The first video to catch my attention was video footage from a Mother Teresa documentary put to the U2 song “Grace”. Watching it I learned two things…Bono didn’t always wear sunglasses and I will mentally remove Calcutta from my “places to visit before I die” list.

(Related Video) U2 Angel of Harlem
I felt the guilts for not staying on the Mother Teresa route. Youtube suggested more footage from documentaries about her, but I was ready to move on. Between Mother Teresa and Bono I was feeling pretty worthless. I napped most of the day and drank beer. Again, it’s weird to see Bono’s eyes. 157,662 views

(Related Video) John Stevens – King of the Road
Of course, many U2 video suggestions came up, but the one that compelled me to click was John Stevens singing “King of the Road”. Remember John Stevens? The red headed crooner from season 3 of American Idol. Not only did he forget one of the lines on this performance, he lost to Fantasia! Loser. 24,958 views

(Related video) best tricks of KING OF THE ROAD
Of course it’s inevitable that youtube take you to a skater video. Here it is in 3 moves from Mother Teresa! I’m a sucker for good skate vids. This is a killer one. It has a naked skater, a couple of face plants, tattoos and thrashing tunes. Big props to them for not including a guy accidentally straddling a hand rail. 110,011 views

(Related Video) College Booty Shake
This is a webcam quality video of two college age girls doing a booty shake. If you are not familiar with Booty Shaking, it’s a type of dancing common among strippers. It’s fairly sexy and exotic on both African American and Latin women. White women think they can do it, but look more as if they are suffering from hypothermia. The objective with booty shaking is act as if you are standing on a surfboard, but only move your butt up and down. This video in particular is more focused on the two girls making out, a common theme on Youtube.
Views: 406,986

I have clicked on every single related video and they are all girls booty shaking. Many of them have over one million views. It’s impossible to leave this subject. This experiment is officially over!

Once you jump into booty shaking, it’s impossible to leave. Who are they making these video’s for? Their boyfriends? Their girlfriends? I can’t tell. There are some common threads with the booty shake vids. They are usually shot in a cluttered bedroom. There are usually two or more girls, the beefier one seems to always be initiating things. I think the beefy girls are using the skinny girls for web hits and attention. However, I don’t think the skinny girls would make this video alone, so I should really be thanking the fat one. “Thank you fat girl!”

We went from Mother Teresa to girls shaking it in your face in a measly 4 moves. What does that say about us and our society? The shear number of hits with skateboarding and booty shake videos are staggering. Any aspiring filmmaker who wants to take a cue from this should be developing a script staring Tony Hawk and Kim Kardashian. It’s a runaway hit.

Who needs mega box office smash hits staring pretty people like Will Smith or Angelina Jolie? Besides, I was tired of films set “Before civilization began” or “After it ended”… in middle Earth or outer space anyway.
Bring on the booty and bust an olie for me. My 8 bucks for the movie ticket is all yours.

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