Monday, May 5, 2008

Rare Magazine

Pick up your May issue of Rare Magazine. Free at local boutiques. This is the Rarest of the All issue which gave our JB and Sandy Morning Show some love and also Mix 94.7.

If you missed the April issue on the iphone. Here you go:

I really started to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Why don’t I “Love” my iphone. I hadn’t ever really thought about it until that strange man walked up to me and said, “Don’t you just LOVE your iphone?” He truly loved his and couldn’t quit talking about it. There I was, just sitting there having a cold Kirin Ichiban, waiting on take out Vietnamese, killing time after placing my order. To me, the iphone was just a crutch, so I don’t look so alone, when I’m really sitting there… alone. My true goal is not to get the food, or use my iphone, my only goal is to leave the house long enough to have a beer in a bar… a common trick among married men, waiting for takeout orders. Why do you think we always volunteer to go pick up the food anyway?

This guy wouldn’t let it go. “I LOVE my iphone”, he repeated. He wouldn’t let it go, explaining to me some of his favorite features. I tried to act very busy, but failed. He asked again, “Don’t you just love your iphone?” I said, “Well, it’s a nice phone, and it makes the calls I want, and gets my email.” He smiled with approval, expecting more. “...and it’s thin and fits in my pocket…and um…it makes the calls I want.” He assured me that I would learn to love it. He explained to me that he was a videographer and loves the convenience of doing “demos” from his iphone. Maybe I’m a jerk, but I had this guy pegged for a bad wedding videographer. The last thing I wanted to do on my alone time was watch some wart hog’s wedding on a strangers iphone. We exchanged a few more pleasantries and glanced at each others phones, which are identical, then he made his way back to his wife, whom had been ignored during our entire exchange. Then, it got really creepy. As I was leaving, saying my customary goodbyes to the staff, he waved from across the room, not with his hand but with his iphone. He pointed to it and then gave me the thumbs up. All I could think was “What a F!%*ing loser…it’s a PHONE!”

I’ve had many interactions like this since I purchased my iphone. Apparently, I didn’t get the memo that I was joining a cult. Can’t I just use the phone in anonymity? I really didn’t want it to define me. People love or hate iphones and their users. I don’t need this sort of drama in my life. I first found out how polarizing the iphone was when I started sending emails from it. I had not realized that it had a built in signature at the bottom of each email that said “sent from iphone”. I would say it was about a 50/50 split of people who were impressed saying “Nice, you got an iphone” vs. those annoyed saying “ewwwww, aren’t you special” in a very sarcastic tone.

Iphone people are starting to creep me out and I often consider taking it back. Not because I don’t want it, I just don’t want to be one of them, kind of like being a “Corvette Guy” or an Ugg boots girl. I like my phone, I like the size and I like that it does a fine job of calling people. Maybe my expectations are lower from a phone. Am I a rare breed that I don’t need Soduko on the go? I have to admit that one feature everyone is fascinated with and it’s pretty impressive, is the fact that you can swipe your finger across the screen to scroll through the photos. What I have come to realize is that when I am showing people pictures of my daughter, they aren’t even looking at the pictures, they are staring at their finger in amazement, much like the first time you saw an automatic toilet flush.

Now this is going to upset some people. Hang with me for a second and be honest with yourself, truly honest. My theory is that the iphone is directly targeted at insecure people. I admit it. I’m insecure. I wanted to be the cool guy with the cool phone. I wanted to be a shadow dancing silhouette blaring U2 or Jet. I wanted people to walk up to me and say “hey, cool guy…let me check out your cool pics”. I wanted them to flip through my music library and say “wow, man. I’m surprised at just how cool you are!” I was hoping friends would say “Hey, I haven’t checked out anything new on YouTube all day, can I borrow your phone?” None of this is happening! The people without iphones hate me and the people with them only want to show me theirs. My phone relationship with everyone I know now officially sucks.

Who let me buy this darn thing? Have you ever been in the Apple Store? It’s one of the most pretentious, overblown, pompous places I have ever been. I like the store, I just don’t love it. I like that the employees are helpful, I don’t like that they act like they invented the damn thing. I like that you can go in there and demo the product. I don’t like that seeing all the customers huddled around the iphones. It reminds me of a film I watched in Anthropology class where they handed a bunch of chimps tools, just to see what they would do with it. Didn’t take long before they were wacking each other in the heads. No different at the Apple Store.

I can’t believe I’ve joined adult equivalent of a high school clique. I hated the “in” crowd then, and I hate it now. I don’t want this iphone life anymore. I want to click my heels and go back to Kansas…please. I don’t want to make a social statement anymore, I just want to order a pizza!

For any of you Crackberry people out there laughing…don’t get me started. You’re not insecure, just narcissistic.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank You...Aint that the truth!!!
I am a Realtor and that darn phone means your a better realtor than another...its status more than convenient.